What is the Difference Between Domestic Abuse and the Tactics Used in an Imprisonment Camp?

Recently I had lunch with a retired US Airforce colonel and as the conversation shifted to my career as a divorce coach, he became very intrigued when I mentioned I specialise in helping men recover from toxic relationships and domestic abuse. I shared with him my personal experience, facts from my training and stories from a few of my nameless clients in an attempt to help him understand my niche.

As I looked across the table at him in the busy restaurant his eyes were the size of the saucer plates that our coffee cups were sitting on. He gazed back at me with a confused and concerned face; he said these are the same tactics that are used in wartime imprisonment camps — but this was being done in the sanctity of people's own home.

I have listed some facts below as a comparison ONLY and not to diminish domestic abuse but to help those that have never lived this experience have a point of reference and to give those that have a level of understanding for what they have been through and survived.

It's really about accurately naming the psychological mechanisms that both systems use to break down autonomy, identity, and resistance. The setting is different, but the mechanisms are nearly identical as well as the impact on the human nervous system.

Both domestic abuse and imprisonment camps rely on coercive control — a strategic pattern of domination that dismantles a person's freedom from the inside out.

1. Isolation

Domestic Abuse

• Cutting them off from friends, family, coworkers
• Monitoring his phone or social media
• Discouraging outside relationships
• Creating conflict with people who support him

Prison Camps

• Physical isolation
• Restricted communication
• No access to outside information

2. Unpredictable Cycles of Reward and Punishment

Domestic Abuse

• Love-bombing → rage → silent treatment → affection
• Constant emotional whiplash
• "Good days" used as leverage

Prison Camps

• Arbitrary punishments
• Occasional small "kindnesses"
• Inconsistent rules

3. Erosion of Identity

Domestic Abuse

• Gaslighting
• Character attacks
• Humiliation
• Blaming them for everything

Prison Camps

• Dehumanisation
• Stripping individuality
• Forced compliance

4. Reality Distortion

Domestic Abuse

• "That never happened."
• "You're too sensitive."
• "You're imagining things."

Prison Camps

• Propaganda
• Forced confessions
• Psychological conditioning

5. Long-Term Psychological Effects

Both systems produce shared outcomes including PTSD, complex trauma, dissociation, shame, hypervigilance, emotional numbing, difficulty trusting, and identity confusion.