Smear Campaigns and Flying Monkeys — Here's How You Win Against the Narcissist in Your Life

Anyone that has had the unfortunate experience of dealing with a narcissist will know that once they realise they can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.

In fact, the smear campaign usually begins in a covert manner, long before you may even become aware of it. It's a deliberate strategy to create doubt over your credibility and character, so if you do speak out about the abuse you're experiencing, you're less likely to be believed.

What is a Smear Campaign?

When we escape the abuser and begin to speak out about our experiences, it is sadly very common to become a victim of the classic, post-separation abuse smear campaign. These may be conducted in person, but in the age of social media, this is often the narcissist's weapon of choice — hoping for maximum impact with minimum effort.

These smear campaigns may go on for years, even decades, because we only exist in relation to them in a narcissist's mind. Even when they have become completely irrelevant to you, they will cling on for dear life to try and assert some sense of control over your life.

What Are Flying Monkeys?

The term "flying monkeys," well known in narcissistic abuse recovery communities, refers to the disgusting flying monkeys used by the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz. Due to the witch using them to do her evil bidding, the term is now used to refer to people who end up doing the dirty work of a narcissist.

Flying monkeys may be other narcissistic individuals, gaining a sense of power and pleasure from hurting others, but very often they are simply people the narcissist has manipulated and guilted into disbelieving their victim.

How Do You Win?

As best you can, you ignore it.

Learning meditation and mindfulness helps immensely. Naturally beginning to ground yourself and feel a sense of calmness and clarity. Even if we still have to deal with the narcissist, it becomes much easier to practise what Ross Rosenberg has coined "other-don't-shame," so that we can emotionally detach from purposefully manipulative and toxic people.

Cutting off the attention supply we give to a narcissist is like Dorothy throwing a bucket of water over the Wicked Witch of the West — they lose their power and simply start to melt away into irrelevance.

• Transform a situation like this into your own empowerment by allowing it to set you free from their grasp.
• Focus on what you can control in your life and let the rest go.
• Accept the apology you may never get from the flying monkeys.
• Give yourself the gift of peace, because you deserve to finally be free and happy.

This is how you win against the narcissist — because happiness truly is the greatest revenge.